a day in the life.

the nonbeliever.

Posted in Uncategorized by erin on the November 4, 2011

The girl I knew was a bitch filled with emptiness and regret. She rolled around in her mistakes and drowned in her problems while constantly complaining of life’s cruel jokes. I’d never met anyone so full of hate, sometimes I wanted to just punch her in the face. And the worst part of it all was there was no way to even begin to save her. She was alone and helpless. She didn’t even want to be saved; you could see it in her eyes. She firmly believed in lost causes.
I believed every word she said. Maybe that was my problem or maybe that was her solution, we’ll never really know now. That emptiness filled her and she never did overcome the darkness, but God knows she tried. I was shy and insecure when we met, but no one knew it. I pretended to be king of the school, granted I loved every second of it. But I still have trouble in the spotlight, she never did. I love people, friends or not, I just love them. I’m positive and I honestly try to see the good in everyone, until they give me a reason not to. I tried to save her. Every day for years, I gave her everything I could and I thought I could be the one to actually pull her out of the black hole she sat in. Since 2006, the year we met, she was just lost. She and her “friends” would pretend she wasn’t that she chose to become miserable and messy, even lonely, though with that relationship past, she was never physically alone. I would watch her sit Indian style in the school desks and wonder why- just why she sat like that, why she seemed so distant and not present, why pain shined through her autumn eyes. Years after that first meeting, we somehow formed an unbreakable bond- the kind you see in movies. Two people intertwined, sewn together with the lightest of similarities, but with such opposing colors for we were so different. Later, it would me who used the scissor to cut us apart, but it was her who used the scissor to simply cut herself. Everyday she’d try to explain the sorrow she held deep inside her small self but it could never be understood. I brushed it off, accepting her black cloud would just hover us from time to time, and I accepted her and all the blackness that followed.
The leaves turned orange when I broke her, but I swear I didn’t mean to. I tried to break us- only for her to find happiness alone. She broke me too. I’m guilty enough, so I’m not going to sit here and tell you that she was an angel; we all knew she was far from it. I don’t know what her problem was, but wherever a mistake could be made, you’d find her there making it. I loved her with every part of me and she broke that. I feel bad for her, she didn’t know she loved me back when she broke my heart, she didn’t know just what she was jeopardizing. Maybe if she had only known her own feelings, cared about her. “Fine” and “alright” were the only emotional words she could be. But the day she realized she wanted to marry me and spend our lives together, she told me everything. Every wrong done to me and every regret that was chained to her. So I had to break us up, it wasn’t fair to myself. I know I did the right thing. But a lifetime of right things doesn’t make up for the only thing I couldn’t save. By the time snow covered our world, she was gone. It was like she slipped out of town overnight, silent and alone, though it did not feel that easy.
The green dress she wore lifeless did not look the same as when it was dancing and vibrant at senior prom, years before. That was the first moment I knew I could love her, and definitely sleep with her. God she was beautiful, the kind that was easy and natural. She hated having to get her hair and nails done, but did it anyway because she loved that dress. She said she owed the dress a good night and great photos. It was one of the best nights of my entire life; I was surrounded by my best friends and wonderful people. I’d give anything to have the moment back, just for a little while. I just need to hear the laughter and witness the promise of the futures we once thought we’d have.

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5 Responses to 'the nonbeliever.'

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  1.   Prudence said,

    on November 6th, 2011 at 2:09 am

    I love your details about what is going. I like how you use the seasons to discribe how you lose her. The only thing that I think could be done to fix it is jump in sooner as to what happened and don’t use soo many detail but that is just my take on it. I can’t wait to see what happens next 🙂

  2.   samantha said,

    on November 7th, 2011 at 8:33 pm

    “The green dress she wore lifeless…”Does this mean the girl killed herself? Also, The speaker does not reveal what sex he/she is. He/She refers to themself as King of the school but it could be a female speaker. That would be interesting in this love story. I figured right away it was a girl speaking, probably because you are the writer but also because the longing just seems feminine to me. I could be way off but nonetheless, I really enjoyed this and look forward to reading more.

  3.   michelle said,

    on November 7th, 2011 at 9:59 pm

    I really enjoy reading your start to short story. I can’t wait to continue your story from week to week. I am excited for your story. The way you started your story caught my attention. I feel that the details you used, was great. I like stories with lots of details because one can put themselves in the situation the narrator is going through.
    Good start! 🙂 cant wait to read the rest of it

  4.   michelle said,

    on November 7th, 2011 at 10:00 pm

    i mean i can’t wait to cotinue reading your story from week to week

  5.   margarita said,

    on November 8th, 2011 at 1:08 am

    I love this piece, it actually reminds me of the type of books I usually read. The speaker doesnt identify “itself” but I perfer to think that you were writing from a man’s perspective – that way I could say how awsome you are. I actually thought about writing from a male’s point of view, hopefully I will in one of my short stories. Regarding what Pru said: I don’t think that you should jump into what happens. I enjoyed learning about the characters, so for me it was a perfect amount of details. Also I think this is one of those pieces that should just end right there, meaning the way you ended the story. For me, it would ruin the effect of the story.

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